new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
