i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
