Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
