so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dignity is for republicans.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
