where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
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I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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