i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
