So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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