oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
