i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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