i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
