P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
