The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
youre lurking in front of me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
