i just had sex bonerless
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
