I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
