I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
