Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
