I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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