Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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