in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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