I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
