i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
