you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize