I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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