I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
