the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The Olympian is in my bed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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