im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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