we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
