she woke up with a sticky ear
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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