I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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