Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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