Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
