weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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