Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
