if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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