her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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