is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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