pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Who did Billy Mays play for?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
