I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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