I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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