he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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