at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
