I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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