Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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