I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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