Christians are straight up FREAKS
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
