So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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