I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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