I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
