i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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