This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
