You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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