I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
