I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
zippers are such a cool invention
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
