the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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