I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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