guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pants are for mortals
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
