things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
