It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
