I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
