I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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