I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
