just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
