But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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