I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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