Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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