walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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