hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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