"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
