I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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